Hugo Chavez Caught At Border!

I wrote this political satire in 2007…

It appears as if Hugo Chavez, socialist (and communist want-to-be) President of Venezuela, is up to his dirty old tricks, again…

In a scenario so bizarre as to have editors at the National Enquirer scratching their collective-heads in disbelief, Hugo Chavez has been apprehended and detained by customs officials for attempting to enter the United States of America disguised as a Texas Longhorn bull.

Having reviewed the cargo manifest and the trucks container-contents carefully, border personnel at the El Paso, Texas security check point came to the conclusion that one of the bulls, in particular, appeared suspicious and merited closer examination. “A further inspection of this bull proved to be problematic”, reported veteran customs agent Gary Coleman. For instance, he said, “This bull was too large and well-fed to originate south of the border. It looked more like a bull you might find in Nebraska”. Also, he continued, “Behind his left ear was a label which, unlike the more common identification tags found on cattle, had ‘Made in Hollywood’ printed on it”.

“The final straw”, concluded Gary, “was the appearance. As I looked closely, I saw that the spots on the hide of the bull resembled the outlines of various communist countries. I could make out Cuba, China, North Korea, Vietnam and Laos. Another spot appeared to be Venezuela”, he said, “though it seemed poorly formed”.

The bull was handcuffed around it’s hoofs and lead to a detention area where officers removed the disguise. To their astonishment, they discovered Hugo Chavez inside, sweating profusely with a block of cheese in his clutches.

After an extensive interrogation, the reason for Chavez seeking to infiltrate our country remains a mystery. “The only words he spoke”, said an anonymous official, “was to claim that he had ‘Mad Cow Disease’ and needed medical attention”.

Incidentally, the horns are real.